How to make your funeral wishes known

You might already have a clear picture of the kind of farewell you’d like. Maybe it's a celebration rather than a sombre service, or perhaps you'd prefer cremation over burial. You may have even written down your wishes or spoken about them with someone close to you. But how can you make sure your plans are understood and honoured when the time comes?

Open, thoughtful communication can make a real difference. By taking a few practical steps, you can help your wishes be heard and remembered when the time comes. 

Start by creating a detailed written record of what you would like for your funeral – you can include this in your will or create a separate Letter of Wishes. A funeral wishes example might include preferences like:

• whether you want burial or cremation
• the type of service you'd prefer (religious or secular)
• any particular music or readings that are meaningful to you
• who you'd like to attend
• whether you'd prefer donations to a favourite charity instead of flowers.

Be as specific as you can. Instead of writing "I want something simple," you might say: "I'd like a small service at St Mary's Chapel with no more than 30 people. I'd like my sister Jane to read the poem 'Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep', and I'd prefer people to wear bright colours rather than black. Instead of flowers, I'd like donations to the RSPCA." That level of detail takes the guesswork out and makes it much easier for your loved ones to honour your wishes.

This is perhaps the most important thing you can do. Documentation is helpful, but nothing beats a real conversation. Talk to the person you've appointed to handle your estate about your funeral wishes. Help them understand not just what you want, but why your funeral wishes matter to you.

You might explain: "I don't want a religious service because I'm not religious. But I do want music – especially ‘Don’t Dream It’s Over’ by Crowded House which we always sang on road trips – because it reminds me of happy times with all of you."

We know these conversations can feel awkward or uncomfortable. But they're also incredibly valuable. When your loved ones understand your reasoning, they're far more likely to honour your wishes, even when they're facing difficult decisions or navigating family disagreements.

One of the most effective ways to ensure your funeral wishes are followed is to make arrangements ahead of time. Prepaid funerals, such as those provided through Guardian Plan, can help you arrange many of your preferences in advance and may reduce the financial and decision-making burden from your family during an already difficult time.

When you've already arranged and paid for specific services, your executor or next of kin is much more likely to follow through with what you've planned. It also reduces the potential for family disputes about costs or what's appropriate. You're essentially making the decision for them, in the kindest way.

Store your funeral wishes document somewhere your executor can easily access it. Many people only include this information in their will, which might not be read until after the funeral has already taken place.

Give copies to your executor, your solicitor, and trusted family members. Some people even keep a note in their wallet saying where their funeral wishes can be found. The note might simply say: "My funeral wishes are documented in a letter kept in the top drawer of my desk at home, with copies held by my solicitor, Margaret Chen at Chen & Associates, and my daughter Sarah."

This might seem overly cautious, but it could make all the difference when the time comes.

Your preferences might evolve over time, so have a look at your funeral wishes every few years or after significant life events. Make sure the person you've appointed as executor is still willing and able to take on this role. Life changes – people move away, relationships shift, and what felt right ten years ago might not feel right now. 

Perhaps you originally wanted to be buried in your hometown, but you've now lived in Melbourne for 20 years and your children are settled here. Or maybe you've appointed your brother as executor, but he's moved overseas and it no longer makes practical sense.

Most families genuinely want to honour their loved one’s funeral wishes. By combining clear documentation with open communication and practical planning, you're giving your family the best possible chance to carry out your wishes.

The key is to create a comprehensive approach that makes it easier for your loved ones to do what you've asked. When you've discussed your wishes openly, written them down clearly, and perhaps made some arrangements in advance, you've done everything you can to ensure your funeral reflects who you are and what you value.

You're not just making decisions about your funeral – you're giving your loved ones the gift of not having to guess what you would have wanted, and you're preventing potential disagreements during an emotionally difficult time.